High School Sacramental

Huxley Browne was an outsider in a public school system that despised his religion. (A schoolmaster addresses a class of uniformed boys.) Schoolmaster: History faults the evil Pope Leo for causing the break with Rome. His wicked scheme to sell money lenders get-out-of-Hell-free cards to pay for his outrageous gambling debts ultimately led to revolt and bloodshed. Yes, what is it, Huxley? Browne: Sir, I thought he was under pressure from the high construction costs of the new cathedral in Rome. Schoolmaster: Yes, and that was because he installed a secret brothel behind the alter, concealed by a state-of-the-art hydraulic door. And he dug out a cavernous underground casino, complete with showgirls. And he... His gloating peers pushed him to the brink of starvation. (The cafeteria. Browne stands at the counter with his tray.) Browne: Do you have any fish and chips? Cashier: Friday is pork day! All the meat you can eat! Pork chops, bacon burgers, pork sausage, chicken fried sweet n' sour pork balls... Browne: It's only Thursday. Cashier: Close enough. But they could not crush his will to rebel. (The classroom.) Schoolmaster: And that was how Queen Mary came to be known as Bloody Mary, a drink that is popular among Catholics to this day. Who has their hand up? Browne? Put your hand down at once! Did you hear me? I said lower your arm! I'm tired of your disruptive cross examination. I have a lesson to teach. Boys, if you want to learn more history, I suggest you have a word with Master Browne, here. (The boys grumble their disapproval as Browne holds his arm up in defiance.) It's classroom suspense at its most riveting on High School Sacramental.
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© 2007, 2015. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.